Mitt Romney reluctantly bows to American people’s demand that he run again

15 Jan

BOSTON–worn down by the mass rallies, candlelight vigils, and online petitions, Mitt Romney (sort-of-R, MA) today announced that he was willing to bow to public pressure and enter the 2016 presidential race.

“While I had hoped for the quiet life of a private citizen, I cannot ignore the fact that my candidacy has been on the lips of every American in recent months,” said Romney to potential donors.

Jeff Hensel, deputy director of the Idaho branch of We Want Romney Now, was elated to hear the news. “We’ve had almost a thousand people camped out in Finwell Park in Boise for months, all demanding that Romney run again,” he explained. “It was breaking my heart to look into the eyes of these men, women, and children–some as young as six–and tell them that Mitt wasn’t coming.”

Other Republican candidates agreed that the nomination and general election were probably Romney’s for the asking. “From the numbers I’ve seen, almost every political humor blogger is solidly behind a Romney run,” said former Gov. Rick Perry (R–TX). “And they make up about 65% of the population, I think.”

2015/01/img_4823.jpg
Romney, wearing a suit made out of good ol’ American money

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3 Responses to “Mitt Romney reluctantly bows to American people’s demand that he run again”

  1. PiedType January 15, 2015 at 12:15 pm #

    I wonder how many more has-been wannabe Republican candidates are going to come out of the woodwork. Let’s see, McCain and Palin haven’t announced … yet. And Gingrich. Oh, and let’s not forget Herman “nine, nine, nine” Cain. This could be fun …

    Like

    • twissblog January 15, 2015 at 2:08 pm #

      It’s a shame only one can be the nominee. I’d like them all to get it.

      Like

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