Yemen launches bid for 2016 US invasion, trailed by Syria, Saudi Arabia, and others

28 Jan

RIYADH–President Obama started a short trip to Saudi Arabia yesterday, congratulating the new Saudi king and also inspecting a shortlist of countries that he is “really excited about” fighting his next war in.

“All the candidate countries are really strong,” said Obama in remarks made here at the airport. “I wish we could invade and occupy all of them.”

At press time, Yemen’s bid was generally agreed to be the strongest, with a powerful mixture of anarchy, humanitarian crisis, and “just the right amount” of terrorist “vibes.” Unfortunately, it is apparently seen as not having enough buildings that will look good blowing up on CNN. Syria’s once-promising candidacy has been weakened by overexposure, lack of a compelling narrative, but is still considered a real contender. Saudi Arabia is considered a dark horse candidate, being an American ally for the time being, while Beijing apparently put in a bid “just because we try to get everything,” a government spokesman said.

The winner will be announced in a disjointed series of self-contradictory press releases and leaks, a White House spokesman said before clarifying that it would be done some other way entirely.

The other purpose of Obama’s trip was to congratulate the new Saudi king, Salman. At age 79, Salman is said to be “vigorous” in the Saudi press, at least by those reporters that were not scheduled for caning.

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