CDC encourages American parents to receive anti-ignorance vaccine

4 Feb

ATLANTA–Tom Frieden, the director of the Centers for Disease Control, today encouraged all American parents who have not yet done so to receive a new anti-ignorance vaccine that is being rushed to market.

“This new compound is safe, effective, and affordable, and will have significant benefits for public health,” said Frieden.

The vaccine is administered in the form of a single sheet of paper that explains the overwhelming scientific evidence that the measles vaccine is safe and effective. Frieden explained that it was painless and required less than five minutes.

The vaccine is contraindicated for some small groups, such as politicians tacking right for the GOP primaries, but otherwise should be distributed “as widely as possible.”

Frieden noted that the scientific consensus behind the safety and efficacy of vaccination was “overwhelming,” and that the only suggestion to the contrary was a 1998 paper that used an innovative statistical technique known as “falsified data.”

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Frieden asked if he would be more convincing if he stood on a street corner and held up a handmade sign stating that vaccines are safe

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3 Responses to “CDC encourages American parents to receive anti-ignorance vaccine”

  1. Gonna Be A Daddy February 4, 2015 at 10:35 am #

    Hilarious!

    Like

  2. walker4long February 9, 2015 at 2:53 pm #

    Oh, how I wish there were such a vaccine. We could add it to the water like fluoride.

    Like

    • twissblog February 9, 2015 at 9:46 pm #

      What, and make everyone communists like fluoride does??

      Like

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