Russian public relieved as Vladimir Putin reappears after weeklong absence, now eight inches taller and left-handed

16 Mar

MOSCOW—after a mysterious absence of over a week, Russian President Vladimir Putin today reappeared in public. The Russian ruling class and public were relieved to see that he was in fine health, although a few observers did point out that he was now significantly taller, wrote with his left hand, and now seemed unable to speak fluently in his native tongue.

 

“My fellow Russians,” said Putin in Russian. “I am very much pleased to again be the presidenting of such a fanciful country. Many felines go with you.”

 

In a press conference with the president of Kazakhstan, Putin also switched to English, not a language he has traditionally spoken, to plug his new movie “Rock the Kasbah.” Said Putin, “it’s going to be epic.”

 

Putin’s absence from public view for eleven days created a number of rumors that he was unwell, or had been deposed in a coup. However, his reappearance immediately put those rumors to rest, despite the fact that he did not seem to recognize any of his long-time staff members, and also that he expressed in English the desire to “get my check and get out of here.”




Putin reported feeling “great”

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Russian public relieved as Vladimir Putin reappears after weeklong absence, now eight inches taller and left-handed”

  1. PiedType March 18, 2015 at 10:22 pm #

    Oh Vlad, you look just like … swoon!

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Russian public relieved as Vladimir Putin reappears after weeklong absence, now eight inches taller and left-handed - Muckraker Media - March 16, 2015

    […] Putin reported feeling “great” Via twissblog.com […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: