Tom Brady stripped of seven Tour de France titles

8 May

NEW YORK—as the scandal surrounding Tom Brady and the New England Patriots continued to grow, Americans were shocked to learn this morning that Brady had been stripped of his seven Tour de France titles.

The International Cycling Union announced today that in light of the NFL’s report implicating Brady in the deflation of several footballs, “We no longer consider Tom Brady to hold any cycling titles from any races, including the Tour de France.”

While Brady has not been punished by other sporting bodies at this point, many believe that his pursuit of the single-season home-run record, among other achievements, is now irrevocably tainted.

“It’s all up for grabs now,” said David Landry, Professor of Vacated Sports Titles at the University of North Dakota. “His Heisman Trophy? His 9.79-second hundred-meter dash? Even if the records stand, they’ll always have an asterix.”

Brady put out a press release stating that “I am innocent until proven guilty, which is why I sure wish I hadn’t just been proven guilty.”

the-weekend-that-was-the-subway-series-lance--L-fkVAwJ
At the height of his career, Brady was so confident of victory that he would drink while cycling

Advertisements

2 Responses to “Tom Brady stripped of seven Tour de France titles”

  1. John Mecca May 8, 2015 at 9:02 am #

    It’s such a shame that another icon in my life, who I first saw on TV in the Brady Bunch, from whom I expected such great things as a role model, has made such poor choices. I guess he is just full of hot air…. or not full…..of cold air… or…whatever……..

    Like

  2. Anonymous May 8, 2015 at 10:20 am #

    Nothing on Hillary’s cash-gate or email-gate scandals? I thought they’d be great materials for you?

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: