Jeb Bush enters presidential race; withdraws 45 minutes later, citing weak support

15 Jun

TALLAHASSEE–promising to “lead America to a brighter future,” former Gov. Jeb Bush (R–FL) today entered the race for the 2016 Republican nomination. After a tumultuous afternoon that saw difficulties raising funds, bad press, and several difficult interviews, he then announced his withdrawal from the race, saying that “while the road has been hard, we have gotten our message across,” and pledging to support the party in November.

Bush’s exit came as no surprise to pundits, many of whom had noted that the campaign had struggled to gain traction in recent weeks. “He wasn’t getting the support he needed,” said former Speaker Newt Gingrinch, “and we all knew it was just a matter of time until he pulled out. I was pleased to be able to watch almost an entire episode of True Detective before I had to switch back to his concession speech.”

Bush blamed his campaign’s failure on a number of factors, but cited one issue in particular that he had been unable to surmount. “At the end of the day, it turned out that no one really wanted me to be president,” he said, in a judgment that will be hard to dispute.

Bush’s exit may clear the way for other candidates to gain more attention, such as former Gov. Rick Perry (R–TX), who sources say will roll out a new slogan tomorrow, “Still not convicted of any felonies.”

 Jeb Bush looking reflective after conceding defeat in his bid for the Republican nomination. 

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2 Responses to “Jeb Bush enters presidential race; withdraws 45 minutes later, citing weak support”

  1. Corporate Life June 15, 2015 at 8:18 pm #

    Very well written – highly entertaining! Feels like watching an episode of Jon Stewart’s Daily Show!

    Like

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