Despite having exactly ten candidates on stage at the Republican primary debate, Fox News misses chance to form them into a human pyramid

7 Aug

CLEVELAND—in a baffling misstep, Fox News, despite hosting last night’s Republican primary debate and inviting only ten of the candidates, at no point even attempted to get them to form a human pyramid.

“I mean, I’m just completely mystified,” said Dave Arlesmith, a political columnist from the Cleveland Plain Dealer who covered the debate. “They had exactly the right number of candidates for a four-level pyramid—one on the top, two below him, three below them, and four on the bottom. One-two-three-four. Adds up to ten. It’s simple stuff.”

Party leaders were equally puzzled. “I mean, it was great to listen to the guys talk about their policy positions,” said Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee. “But they just stood behind the lecterns the whole time. I’m not sure what Megyn Kelly was thinking.”

There had been heavy speculation before the debate as to exactly what position each of the candidates would take in the pyramid that everyone expected. Most people thought it would build up from the center of the stage, with Trump on top, Bush and Walker under him (or in some variants Bush and Huckabee), with Christie, Rubio, Paul, and Kasich on the bottom level.

Others thought Trump would be too vulnerable on the top level. “I mean, that guy is going to be eight, maybe ten feet in the air,” said Arlesmith. “You want someone athletic, who can land on their feet if the whole thing collapses, and also someone who’s not too heavy.” Arlesmith said he had expected Rubio, Walker, or Cruz to be at the top of the pyramid.

Arlesmith shook his head sadly. “I guess we’ll never know, now.”

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It is really not that hard

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4 Responses to “Despite having exactly ten candidates on stage at the Republican primary debate, Fox News misses chance to form them into a human pyramid”

  1. List of X August 7, 2015 at 4:37 pm #

    Well, the problem was that every one of them wanted to be the guy on top.

    Like

  2. alienredqueen August 8, 2015 at 10:32 pm #

    They should have made them a human centipede!

    Like

  3. PiedType August 9, 2015 at 9:47 pm #

    They’ve got their clown car. They don’t need a pyramid, too.

    Liked by 1 person

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