Oregon lets everyone down again

18 Aug

PORTLAND, Oregon–once again, the state of Oregon is letting everybody down.

The latest disappointment from the “middle child of the West Coast” came with the news that the state was the only one outside the South and the Midwest to hold a pro-Confederate-flag rally since the Charleston shooting, aside from one that was probably in Arizona, but because the states on our map weren’t labelled, might conceivably have been in New Mexico.

The rally was attended by a “couple of dozen dudes” who were “probably typical Oregonians,” according to local media reports.

Even Idaho, which has spent years preparing for a United Nations invasion to take away its guns, was disappointed with the latest news. “Get it together, guys,” said Idaho Gov. Butch Otter, whose awesome name has gotten his state some mentions in political humor blogs that might otherwise have taken their business elsewhere.

Oregon’s pro-Confederate rally lines up with a number of stupid laws already on the books in the state, such as one that denies Americans their constitutional right to pump their own gas. The only other state where it is illegal to pump your own gas is New Jersey, where–perhaps coincidentally, perhaps not–a longtime Nazi official was found to be hiding under an assumed name in 1974.

It is also illegal in Oregon to fish using canned corn as bait.

Gov. Kate Brown, who assumed office in February of this year after her predecessor did something stupid, recently issued a blanket apology for the state and its conduct. However, she revealed no plans to change her name to “Butch Otter,” which could have really helped the situation.

rallies

Come on, Oregon. Get with the program.

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