New England Patriots jam Steelers headsets, clog George Washington Bridge, build giant wall on Mexican border

11 Sep

BOSTON—controversy continued to dog the New England Patriots, as evidence emerged that the team might have tampered with the headsets during their 28-21 victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers last night. In addition, new documents revealed that quarterback Tom Brady was actually a pivotal figure in the September 2013 traffic jam on the approaches to the George Washington Bridge, and also that Coach Bill Belichick had overnight somehow managed to build a thirty-foot wall along the entire US-Mexican border and bill the Mexican government for it.

“I have honestly no idea what you’re talking about,” said Brady at a postgame press conference. “We didn’t do anything to the headsets, I was definitely not out on the GWB dressed as a cop waving motorists over with a red flare, and I also had absolutely zero involvement in the US Postal Service Tour de France cycling team.”
When a journalist pointed out that no one had said anything about the Tour de France, Brady looked shaken. “I mean, of course. That’s what I mean,” he said.

Coach Belichick denied any role in the headsets, the border wall with Mexico, or the destruction of planet Alderaan. “At no point did I urge anyone to witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station,” he told a surprised room of reporters.

The NFL reported this morning that it was looking into the problem with the headsets, and also that it would review video footage that seems to show tight end Rob Gronkowski dropping a football in the end zone, but then pulling another one out from under his jersey and pretending he caught it.

After denying all responsibility for anything ever, Belichick attempted to smile, but injured himself in the process and was rushed to the hospital.

One Response to “New England Patriots jam Steelers headsets, clog George Washington Bridge, build giant wall on Mexican border”

  1. Corporate Life September 12, 2015 at 9:44 am #

    Truly funny! Notwithstanding the fact that I am a die-hard Patriots fan, the endless cacophony of twisted interpretations and imaginative extensions of anything that is remotely ‘Patriot(s)-ic’ never ceases to entertain!


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