Dozens of votes up for grabs as Lindsey Graham ends campaign

24 Dec

CHARLESTON–the news that Lindsey Graham has ended his quest for the Republican presidential nomination has sent the other campaigns into a frenzy, attempting to round up the dozens of voters who had supported him.

“We think he has a cousin who lives in Portsmouth,” said Dave Casserly, deputy state director for the Jeb Bush campaign in New Hampshire. “Apparently he told a guy that he was ‘probably’ voting for Lindsey, so we’re going to get straight on that.”

The Chris Christie campaign also seemed buoyed by Graham’s departure. According to a spokesman, the campaign now has “high hopes” of capturing Ethel Wilson’s vote. Although Wilson was not known to be a Graham supporter, she is extremely near-sighted, “which put us right back in it,” according to the spokesman.

In a heartfelt withdrawal speech, Graham noted that he would have loved to be president, “now is not my time.” Sources close to the Senator said that he is looking forward to getting back to his hobbies, such as sounding unhinged when talking about foreign policy.

One Response to “Dozens of votes up for grabs as Lindsey Graham ends campaign”

  1. List of X December 24, 2015 at 5:14 pm #

    I think Chris Christie already got the lock on the near-sighted voter block, because he’s so big and loud and looks like a serious candidate if you’re visually impaired.

    Liked by 1 person

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