Donald Trump humiliated by not being in Mossack Fonseca documents

7 Apr

PANAMA CITY–embarrassed that his name was nowhere to be found among the leaked Mossack Fonseca files, Donald Trump today insisted that “I’m absolutely shielding huge amounts of money offshore–I just used a different Panamanian law firm.”

 
The Mossack Fonseca leak has revealed the names of thousands of wealthy clients who used the Panamanian firm to create dummy corporations to shield their money from tax authorities. The names included many world leaders as well as wealthy businessmen from the US and elsewhere, but Trump was not listed anywhere.

 
“Listen, I’m just like all those guys. I’m shielding millions–billions, actually–of dollars offshore. They just haven’t found me yet,” said Trump.

In response to questions as to why he didn’t use Mossack Fonseca, the market leader in concealing ill-gotten wealth, Trump seemed defensive.

“Listen, I used only the best firm, okay? The firm I used is way bigger and way better at tax dodging than these Mossad Canseco guys.”

Pressed for the name, Trump said he couldn’t remember it. “I talk to literally thousands of law firms every day,” said the Republican presidential candidate. “All the best ones. I can’t remember every single name.”

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