Ted Cruz names Carly Fiorina as running mate; passes sweeping imaginary tax reform

27 Apr

INDIANAPOLIS–building on his “unstoppable imaginary political momentum,” Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) today introduced Carly Fiorina as “the next vice-president of the United States,” and also announced that a made-up Congress had passed his “sweeping tax reform.”

“I am proud to announce that in the parallel universe where I am president, we have already reshaped Washington, defeated ISIS, and provided health care to everyone while also balancing the budget on the back of massive tax cuts,” announced Cruz to a rally of small children who did not speak English.

“I’d like to thank Carly Fiorina for her tireless efforts to advance the work of my pretend administration,” added Cruz.

Fiorina, who has been campaigning for Cruz for several weeks, then spoke briefly while blinking out “H-E-L-P” in Morse Code.

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