Donald Trump, in uplifting speech, tells America “terrorists will come murder you in your sleep”

21 Jul

CLEVELAND–under pressure to show a sunnier, optimistic side in his acceptance speech on the final night of the Republican National Convention, experts agree that Donald Trump delivered, promising America that “you will all drown in a deluge of blood” if Hillary Clinton wins.


“My fellow Americans,” began Trump. “The crows will eat your eyeballs and brains unless I am elected.”


Said one delegate, “He’s just filled the room with so much light and energy. I’ve got a spring in my step, and a smile in my heart. Especially when he told us that our children would become drug-addicted criminals if we didn’t vote for him.”


Trump, who has been accused of a negative tone, deftly turned the tables in his speech, promising that “if elected, I promise that no one will rip your still-beating heart out of your chest and eat it in front of you.”

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