Tag Archives: Bitcoin

Mt. Gox finds 200,000 of the missing Bitcoins in its sock drawer

22 Mar

TOKYO–Mark Karpeles, chief executive of the bankrupt Bitcoin exchange Mt. Gox, confirmed yesterday that he had found 200,000 of the 750,000 Bitcoins that mysteriously disappeared last month.

“I could have sworn I’d looked in that drawer, like, ten times already,” said Karpeles at a press conference here. “But somehow they were right there, next to a pile of old batteries.”

Karpeles’ mother, Gladys, interrupted the press conference at this point to observe that her son was sometimes a “knucklehead” and that she wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of the Bitcoins were “down in the basement with his old Dungeons and Dragons cards.”

“Mom, please, those cards are from Magic: the Gathering, and they’re really valuable,” said Karpeles. “Please stop embarrassing me.”

Rival Bitcoin exchanges cited the discovery of further proof that Mt. Gox had been run in an amateur fashion. “Nothing like our fully professional operation here,” said David Dryden, CEO of BitChange, standing in front of BitChange’s global headquarters in the band room, where he was meeting his executive team before gym class.

Hobbits climb Mt. Gox; throw 750,000 bitcoins into Cracks of Doom

26 Feb

MORDOR, Tx—the titanic struggle between light and dark took a dramatic turn today as Frodo Baggins successfully climbed Mt. Gox and threw 6% of the world’s bitcoin supply into the Cracks of Doom. The mountain immediately went offline and received an FBI subpoena.

“It’s a surprising outcome for all of us,” said Cameron, or perhaps Tyler, Winklevoss, who had been marching towards Mordor at the head of his Army of Douches. “Nevertheless, I still think bitcoin is a brilliant investment for everyone. And you should listen to me, because of my long track record of shrewd business decisions.”

It was unclear to experts how exactly 750,000 bitcoins, which are supposed to be indestructible and are purely digital, had simply vanished on Mt. Gox. Concerns immediately spread among vendors of comic books, weird sci-fi costumes, and fake lightsabers.

“Everything is absolutely fine,” said Mark Karpeles, smiling calmly as he stood in front of the Mt. Gox building, which was on fire and being attacked by some kind of demon lizard. “I’m sure everybody’s money is perfectly safe.”

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