Tag Archives: cruz

John Kasich confident he will start to beat Marco Rubio “soon” in primary voting

25 Mar

COLUMBUS, Ohio–a few days after finishing fourth in the Arizona Republican primary, behind Marco Rubio who had already dropped out of the race, John Kasich announced today that “we absolutely have Marco in our sights, and we’re going to overtake him very, very soon.”

While some experts doubt that Kasich, who has only won his home state to date and whose appeal to Republican voters has proved extremely limited, will ever beat Rubio, the campaign issued a list of talking points explaining why they “believe John can get it done.”

The list notes that Rubio has removed his name from most of the remaining ballots, and that he has widely publicized his decision to drop out of the race.

“We’re pretty sure that when they know their candidate is completely out of the race, some voters might consider John Kasich, if they don’t want to vote for Trump or Cruz, or if they have eyesight problems, or shaky hands,” said a spokesman for the Kasich campaign. “That’s our target demographic.”

Rubio’s Minnesota-only strategy pays off handsomely

2 Mar

ST. PAUL, Minnesota—putting all doubts about his candidacy to rest, Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) swept to victory last night in the Minnesota caucuses, with more than 41,000 votes and a solid margin of victory over Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.

“They said we couldn’t do it,” Rubio announced to an ecstatic crowd at his victory party here. “They said our exclusive focus on Minnesota would backfire, that we didn’t have a viable path to the nomination. And you know what I say to those people?” he continued, looking around for dramatic effect. “I say…twelve delegates in the bag.”

Terry Sullivan, Rubio’s campaign manager, was in a similarly upbeat mood. “There’s still some mopping up to do,” said Sullivan this morning in an exclusive interview with twissblog. “We need to win, you know, all the other states. But with Minnesota firmly in our column, I don’t think anyone has any doubts.”

Republican party elders, worried about the rise of Donald Trump, seemed immensely relieved by the results. “When I saw the AP call Minnesota for Marco, it was like a whole weight was lifted off my chest,” said Mitch McConnell. “Either that, or my heart attack was going away.”

Rubio renewed his appeal to Ted Cruz to drop out of the race. “I salute Ted’s service to the American people,” said Rubio towards the end of his speech. “But at this point in the race, he’s only won four states, and has less than twice the number of delegates I do. It’s time for the party to come together behind me.”

Marco Rubio confident of “strong” second-place finish at GOP convention

25 Feb

WASHINGTON–coming off back-to-back strong showings in Nevada and South Carolina, an optimistic Marco Rubio today declared that he was “almost certainly” going to finish a strong second in the Republican primary process.

“A few months ago, people thought we were down and out,” said Rubio. “But we keep on racking up 15, 20 percent of the vote, and we’re going to ride that train all the way to Cleveland in July.”

As Donald Trump’s delegate count and lead in the polls continued to grow, Rubio boasted that “there’s no way we finish this thing with less than three hundred delegates at the convention,” out of the 1,237 required for the nomination.

Cruz’s campaign immediately fired back, noting that “if anyone is going to lose this thing to Trump, it’s us.” A Cruz spokesman also noted that “Marco is the wrong candidate for America, even if it turns out he isn’t actually a criminal atheist who has a big crush on Hillary, which–let me be clear–we don’t think is definitely the case at all.”

Ted Cruz says he favors “complete equality” for wealthy gay campaign contributors; not sure about other gays

24 Apr

NEW YORK—speaking at a fundraiser at the home of a wealthy gay couple here, Sen. Ted Cruz (R—TX) said yesterday that he is “completely fine” with people being gay, if they are major contributors to his campaign. “If my daughter were gay, and she married a hedge-fund guy, and that guy was dropping major checks to Ted Cruz for President, then I would love her just as much as I do today, or perhaps up to 30% more,” he told attendees.

As Cruz has made opposition to gay marriage a plank of his presidential campaign, a spokesman later clarified that he had not changed his position. “Senator Cruz does not believe there is a right to gay marriage,” said the spokesman. “That’s why he’d like to see fifty grand, cash on the barrelhead, before he signs off on one.”

According to attendees, Cruz also blasted “typical big government overreach like the Federal Reserve, foreign aid, the Federal highway fund, and the so-called NASA moon landings.” Clarifying his position, he later handed out a price list for what he expected in each. “You want fluoride in your community, I better see ten bucks per household.”

ted-cruz-smarmy
I can’t be bought, but I’d really like it if you tried

%d bloggers like this: