Tag Archives: democracy

Florida sends “crack team” of experts to assist in Afghan election recount

7 Jul

KABUL–with tensions rising here because of a disputed vote count in the Afghan presidential election, both candidates today welcomed the arrival of a “crack team of experts” from the Florida Secretary of State’s office.

The team of twelve experts arrived in Kabul four days late, having accidentally booked tickets to Azerbaijan instead of Afghanistan. They then lost their traveller’s checks, locked themselves in their hotel room, and flushed their credentials down the toilet, before finally arriving here today in a very little car.

“We’re delighted to be here today to assist in the Armenian election,” said delegation head Katherine Harris, who was taking a leave of absence from her job as head of quality assurance at General Motors. When an aide clarified that Harris had meant “Afghan,” she politely declined, noting that it was warm enough in the room.

The two candidates in the election, Ashraf Ghani and Abdullah Abdullah, welcomed the support. “If anyone knows how to conduct a smooth election, it’s Florida,” said Ghani at a rare joint press conference. “We look forward to having the team of experts get started, as soon as we can figure out where they are.”

20140707-164241.jpgA Florida election official preparing for his daily briefing.

Thailand tells democracy it’s “not ready to commit to a long-term relationship”

22 May

BANGKOK–explaining that “it’s not you, it’s me,”¬†Thailand today broke up with democracy in a long text message.

“I hope u can understand,” explained the country. “I’m just not in a place where I can be exclusive with one political system right now.”

The breakup comes as no surprise to the couple’s friends, who noticed a deterioration over the last several months, culminating in a recent fight where Thailand claimed that democracy was “hanging out with the wrong kind of people” and democracy said that Thailand “thinks it’s too good for me.”

While Thailand claimed in the text that it was just going to “hang out by myself, listen to music, try to figure things out,” friends said that the country had already been seen sneaking around with

Thailand "might want to hang out later" with democracy

Thailand “might want to hang out later” with democracy


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