Tag Archives: divorce

Silda Spitzer files for divorce; says she hasn’t read the paper in a while

17 Jan

NEW YORK—in a shocking development, Silda Wall Spitzer filed papers yesterday to divorce Eliot Spitzer, the ex-governor of New York. The news surprised and upset the millions of people who had no idea the Spitzers were still married.

In response to questions from reporters, Ms. Spitzer explained that she had “really fallen behind” on the news and had only recently caught up with the papers from March 2008, when the Spitzer prostitution scandal broke.

“I put down my yellowing copy of the Times, marched into the study, and demanded that Eliot tell me whether these stories were true,” said Ms. Spitzer. “Who would put up with that kind of behavior?”

Ms. Spitzer explained that her husband “did seem to be spending a lot more time at home than you would expect from the Governor of New York, but I didn’t really think anything of it.”

Mr. Spitzer was unavailable for comment. He released a statement saying that he was too busy working on his media career and possible political comeback, “because the public has made it clear they’d like to hear a lot more from me.”

Eliot Spitzer calls Anthony Weiner “rank amateur” philanderer

11 Jul

NEW YORK—entering the race for New York City comptroller, disgraced former governor Eliot Spitzer today lashed out at his comeback rival, disgraced former congressman Anthony Weiner.

“This guy knows absolutely nothing about tawdry behavior,” Spitzer said in a news conference. “Tweeting a photograph of your junk? With underwear on? Don’t make me laugh.”

Spitzer went on to spell out his own list of accomplishments. “Actual sex, for one. With prostitutes. Repeatedly. Those are the three pillars of really cheating, and Mr. Weiner doesn’t seem to have gotten around to any of them.”

Some voters were puzzled as to why Spitzer would attack Weiner, who is running in an entirely different race and thus not a rival. Irene Dortmund of Brooklyn, however, said she understood completely. “Weiner is blurring Spitzer’s story,” she explained. “Spitzer actually has a feel-good story about wrongdoing , redemption, and personal growth. Except there’s been no redemption of any kind, or any personal growth.”

Rupert Murdoch files for divorce, complaining that wife has not “aged as gracefully as I have”

13 Jun

NEW YORK—after 14 years of marriage, billionaire Rupert Murdoch filed for divorce today, noting that his 44-year-old wife Wendi Deng was “not aging well at all.”

Murdoch, 82, explained in a subsequent interview that Deng was “cramping his style” when they went out, and that “because of her, no one believes we’re twenty-somethings any more.”

The media mogul also revealed the secret of his oft-cited magnetic personality and looks, which turns out to be “enormous amounts of money spent rashly.”

While the business community expressed concerns that the divorce could impact the family’s role in the News Corporation, management hastened to reassure investors that there would be no interruption to the company’s phone hacking and influence-peddling.

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Wendi Deng, seen here with an unidentified man in a scary Halloween costume

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