Tag Archives: fantasy

Koch brothers fund anti-ACA advertising campaign; unleash army of orcs

15 Jan

MORDOR—operating from their mountain fortress here, the billionaire Koch brothers today announced a commitment of $20 million to target vulnerable Democrats who have supported health-care reform. They also announced that they were sending their secret orc army to conquer all of Middle Earth, with a particular focus on the swing states.

“We believe that Senators and Representatives who have supported the White House’s disastrous health-care reform should rightly be concerned about their electoral prospects in November,” read a press release. “Also, about seeing their families cut down by kobolds as their villages are burned to the ground.”

The money will be funnelled through an unnamed organization that has been described as “One PAC to Rule them All.” It will continue to advocate for free-market economic policies, a reign of one thousand years of evil overseen by the all-seeing Burning Eye of Baradur, and state-level changes to reduce the influence of public-sector unions.

A spokesman for the Koch brothers declined to comment, but instead grew to many times his size and crushed several reporters with an oversized flaming mace.

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