Tag Archives: ferguson

America shocked by rioting over racial injustice, instead of over a sports championship

26 Nov

FERGUSON, Mo.–Americans around the nation were shocked by images of rioting in Ferguson, following the news that the police officer who shot and killed an unarmed black teenager would not be indicted.

“I mean, if the Rams had just won the Super Bowl, or even a major division game, I think it would all be cool,” said Dave Wilcox from Dallas. “But the fact that they’re rioting because of systematic discrimination at all levels of society and government stretching back for decades? Who do they think they are?”

Alice Horsley of Miami said that “I torched a couple of cars each time the Heat brought home the trophy. But there’s just no excuse for this kind of disorder.”

Major media outlets covered the riots in loving detail, searching for good footage of burning cars and working hard to talk about the residents of Ferguson without saying anything overtly racist.

President Obama went on television to address the nation. He noted that many people have legitimate grievances, and proposed a bargain in which all the rioters would go home, and in return nothing else would change.

IMG_0054.JPGAt first, it looked like these youths were tearing apart the fabric of our society, but it turned out that they were just excited about the MLS playoffs

In a historic advance in American race relations, Obama pledges to do nothing and wait for Ferguson protests to go away

21 Aug

FERGUSON, Mo.—as protests continued in what many see as the worst racial tension in the US in over a decade, President Obama took advantage of the opportunity to take a historic step towards reconciliation, pledging to do nothing and just wait it out.

“At times like this, we are called upon to lead the nation forward,” said the President in a special prime-time television address. “

Instead of going to Ferguson himself, Obama vowed to send “an emissary with the stature to bring healing to this community.” After several phone calls, he settled on several contestants from Celebrity Big Brother, Matt Lauer’s younger brother, and Attorney General Eric Holder.

Meanwhile, in a conciliatory gesture, Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon imposed a curfew, declared martial law, and told protestors “I will mess you up good.”

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