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Verizon to acquire AOL for $4.4 billion, because you can’t go wrong merging with AOL

12 May

NEW YORK—Verizon Communications announced today that it would acquire AOL for $4.4 billion in cash, cementing its position as the largest firm combining telecommunications and whatever it is exactly that AOL does these days.

“I can’t imagine any large merger involving AOL possibly going wrong,” said Lowell McAdam, CEO of Verizon. “This deal shows that we are prepared to tackle all the digital challenges of the twentieth century.”

McAdam went on to say that while the purchase price of $4.4 billion looked significant, AOL brought “real, hard assets” to the table, such as an inventory of almost two billion CD-ROM disks containing Windows-95-compatible AOL software. “We think they’re being held on the balance sheet well below fair value.”

Analysts were strongly supportive of the deal. “AOL is solid gold, and I think anyone in any industry would be lucky to get their hands on it,” said Dhruv Gupta, telecommunications and CD-ROM disk analyst at Merrill Lynch. “Nothing says cutting-edge like an aol.com email address.”

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Lowell McAdam, one of the most exciting and dynamic CEOs of a US large telecommunications conglomerate

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