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Republicans working hard to be “just the right amount of racist” in response to Obama immigration order

21 Nov

WASHINGTON–Republican insiders today announced that the party was focused on its response to Obama’s executive order on immigration, and that they were confident that they would have “just the right amount of racism” in their response.

“See, we need to play to our base’s fear of swarthy immigrants, without being so overtly bigoted that swing voters notice what we’re doing,” said presumptive Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R–KY). “For example, we’ll show black-and-white footage of Guatemalans who might be rapists, but we won’t actually use any racial slurs.”

Because polling has repeatedly shown that most Americans support a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants, “we can’t just haul off and talk about lazy Mexicans mooching off our system,” explained McConnell. “So we’re working hard on the abuse of power angle–subtle stuff, like showing Obama with a Hitler mustache.”

Asked how the electoral math was going to work, given that Latinos are a large and fast-growing segment of the population, McConnell chuckled. “As long as we don’t give ethnics the vote, I don’t foresee any problems.” When told that of course Latino citizens can vote, McConnell looked surprised, and quickly terminated the interview, explaining that he needed to consult with his colleagues.

IMG_0053.JPGMitch McConnell: “I see white people.”

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