Tag Archives: p2

Louisiana celebrates 1,000th preventable child death since rejecting Medicaid expansion

13 Nov

BATON ROUGE—Gov. Bobby Jindal took a break today from the presidential campaign trail to come back to his state and celebrate the 1,000th preventable child death since he rejected the expansion of Medicaid in May 2013. The expansion of Medicaid would have been fully funded under the Affordable Care Act.

“Sounds like freedom,” said Jindal, as 7-year-old Kaylee Johnson was lowered into the ground at Sweet Briar Cemetery. Kaylee died on the weekend of pneumonia; her mother lacked health insurance and delayed taking Kaylee to the hospital for fear of falling further into debt. “The important thing,” said Jindal, “is that we’ve shown Washington that we here in Louisiana don’t believe in Big Government.”

Jindal had originally planned to return to the state on Sunday for the funeral of 4-year-old Bobby Wills, whose parents initially tried to treat his severe accidental burns at home, but Bobby hung on for “several days longer than expected,” according to aides, forcing a reshuffling of the schedule. “On the bright side, the Wills family lived way up in Coushatta, and we would have struggled to get the media out there,” said the aide.

Jindal, who is currently polling around 1% in the presidential race, wrote an op-ed piece in the Washington Post in May 2013, arguing that despite the initial full federal funding, Medicaid expansion would have ended up costing the state $1 billion over ten years, or about $21 per resident per year. The op-ed was well received, and many think that while Jindal has no hope of success in the current Republican presidential primary, he is now well-positioned for a book deal and possibly a commentary slot on Fox.

“WWJD,” said Jindal, as the last shovelfuls of dirt were heaped on Kaylee’s casket. “WWJD.”

Despite having exactly ten candidates on stage at the Republican primary debate, Fox News misses chance to form them into a human pyramid

7 Aug

CLEVELAND—in a baffling misstep, Fox News, despite hosting last night’s Republican primary debate and inviting only ten of the candidates, at no point even attempted to get them to form a human pyramid.

“I mean, I’m just completely mystified,” said Dave Arlesmith, a political columnist from the Cleveland Plain Dealer who covered the debate. “They had exactly the right number of candidates for a four-level pyramid—one on the top, two below him, three below them, and four on the bottom. One-two-three-four. Adds up to ten. It’s simple stuff.”

Party leaders were equally puzzled. “I mean, it was great to listen to the guys talk about their policy positions,” said Reince Priebus, chairman of the Republican National Committee. “But they just stood behind the lecterns the whole time. I’m not sure what Megyn Kelly was thinking.”

There had been heavy speculation before the debate as to exactly what position each of the candidates would take in the pyramid that everyone expected. Most people thought it would build up from the center of the stage, with Trump on top, Bush and Walker under him (or in some variants Bush and Huckabee), with Christie, Rubio, Paul, and Kasich on the bottom level.

Others thought Trump would be too vulnerable on the top level. “I mean, that guy is going to be eight, maybe ten feet in the air,” said Arlesmith. “You want someone athletic, who can land on their feet if the whole thing collapses, and also someone who’s not too heavy.” Arlesmith said he had expected Rubio, Walker, or Cruz to be at the top of the pyramid.

Arlesmith shook his head sadly. “I guess we’ll never know, now.”

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It is really not that hard

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