Tag Archives: primary

Republican leadership trying to remember why they thought voting was such a good idea

17 Mar

DALLAS–speaking at a closed-door session of Republican donors and activists today, RNC chairman Reince Priebus tried to lay out the case for why the party moved away from smoke-filled rooms towards primaries where people can vote.

“It had something to do with…it wasn’t justice, exactly, but it was something like–I think maybe there was a tax angle to it?” Priebus finally said, scratching his head in puzzlement.

As Donald Trump continued his run of successes in the Republican primaries, party leaders have been checking the fine print on what exactly winning primary elections means.

“Look, I’ve checked, and presidential primaries aren’t mentioned even once in the Bible,” said Sen. Mike Lee (R–UT). “To my mind, then, they are null and void.”

Lee’s sentiment was widely shared by party leaders. “Sure, we have these votes, but I always like to think of them as purely advisory,” said House Speaker Paul Ryan (R–WI). “The party can pick anyone it wants to run for president. If they want to ditch Trump and go with–for example–a young Midwestern congressman who seems reasonable and really would like to be President but doesn’t like the work involved to get there–that’s up to them.”

Priebus closed his speech by noting that “sometimes the votes go your way, and sometimes they don’t. And when the latter happens, we like to go to Plan B.”

Not that Plan B.

Play Republican bingo while watching the debate!

5 Aug

Friends! As part of our civic-mindedness here at twissblog, we have been wracking our brains for ways to make Thursday’s Republican primary debate more exciting, especially since the most colorful personality among the candidates–George Pataki–has failed to make the cut for the top 10.

To keep citizen-viewers engaged, therefore, we’re delighted to provide you with Debate Bingo! Just print this out and every time one of the candidates uses that phrase, cross that square out! Note that the center square is free–just another handout you lousy pinkos have probably come to expect when playing bingo.

Since our millions of readers will all be using the same card, presumably everyone will tie for first place. Again, just the sort of class-warfare redistributionist outcome the Democrat Party wants you to have.

Have fun!

Your friends at twissblog

Republican bingo

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