Tag Archives: yemen

Heavy fighting in Yemen causes concerned Americans to wonder exactly where Yemen is

24 Jul

CHICAGO–Dick Moser, longtime resident here, didn’t mince words today when asked about the renewed conflict in Yemen.

“It sounds serious,” said Moser. “So serious, in fact, that I’m strongly considering writing my Congressman, to demand that he google ‘Yemen’ and tell me where this place is.”

Across the nation, reports of continued clashes between the Houthi-led insurgents and the Saudi-backed government caused considerable alarm.

“If the insurgents keep moving north,” said Gladys Springwell, who teaches third grade at Oak Ridge Elementary here, “they’ll reach Indiana, and after that, Chicago must be next on their list.”

Opinion was divided as to what the American government should do next. 46% said “Obama should just bluff his way through the next press conference and pretend we know where this place is,” while 37% believed that “he should just fess up and ask a reporter to look it up on their phone.” As a less preferred option, 15% said the upcoming Republican presidential primary debates should be replaced with a Nickelodeon-style physical challenge, although this option might have garnered more support if it had actually been one of the options mentioned by the pollster.

Chicago residents were also worried about the nature of the insurgent forces. “I understand the Houthis are still a serious threat,” said Don Parlander, a paralegal at Rackham & Pitts, a prominent local law firm. “If he manages to get the Blowfish behind him, I don’t see how the government can withstand the attack.”

Parlander was not reassured by news that the Saudi-led forces had taken Aden. “I always said he should have been the one to end up with Carrie,” he explained.

  
We’re about 80% certain none of these countries are Yemen.

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Obama launches drone strikes in response to terror threats in response to drone strikes

13 Aug

SANA, Yemen—responding boldly to an increased threat from al-Qaeda, the Obama administration has stepped up its campaign of drone strikes here, according to local sources, and has been very successful in doing so, eliminating approximately two hundred and twenty al-Qaeda members so far this year.

In an unrelated development, approximately two hundred and twenty Yemenis have joined al-Qaeda so far this year, citing drone strikes as their primary reason for turning to terrorism.

The administration and the CIA have discretely boasted of their successes to key policymakers, citing figures showing that they have already killed more than eighty adult terrorists, thirty baby terrorists, and ninety animal terrorists.

“Just this morning, we killed a woman who was engaged in terrorist laundry,” said a CIA spokesman at a classified briefing to the Senate Intelligence Committee. “Yesterday, we destroyed a goat in the process of producing terrorist milk.”

“We will leave no stone unturned in our battle to kill people who want to kill us because we want to kill them,” said the spokesman.

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